dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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