:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
