Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
