So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
