Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
