happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
