I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
