she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
