I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
