My cat gives me a boner
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
