I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
