"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
