I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
