So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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