Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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