Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
it's like heaven, but drunker
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
