Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
