when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
