Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
