white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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