Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
