i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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