I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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