I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We have started to decorate penises.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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