I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
