i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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