He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
