Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
