Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
