there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
