Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
tell me about the eggs
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
