i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
