the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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