god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
