When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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