haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
