ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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