Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
