morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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