Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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