Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
