It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize