Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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