I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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