i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
