About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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