so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
