I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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