If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
