Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
