Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
