the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
